What is Positive Re-framing and how do you do it?

When an event unfolds in a person’s life we generally will assess the situation and decide whether it is “good” or “bad”. Throughout my legal training I was trained further to thoroughly investigate a situation and acknowledge there were three sides to an argument… Side A, Side B and the actual truth. From a personal perspective, for many years, this was my go-to or “programmed” if you like thought process.

But then over more recent years, my therapy training and extensive experience with clients has provided me with an altogether more pragmatic approach… that any given event in our lives has the potential to be neutral. We will often use our subjective perception and life experience to determine what our beliefs are about a situation… but these labels can affect the way we think and how our minds will operate.

A “negative label” that you attach to a situation such as a relationship breakdown, an experience at work etc has the potential to then attract more negative thinking into your life. You tend to focus more on bad things taking place and

Now, I am not denying for one second that when certain life events unfold they hurt and there is more often than not a sort of grieving period. BUT positive reframing gives you a chance to see opportunity within any unfortunate events in life. I believe you can find a silver lining in almost any situation if you know where to look.

Positive reframing simply means changing your point of view and I have seen it help clients to…

• Reduce Stress
• Become More resilient
• Strengthen Relationships
• Explore New Opportunities

I agree there are a lot of objectively bad things happening in the world at any given time… violence, corruption, illness BUT what positive reframing does help you with is taking positive action with things that are within your own control. Which in turn, inevitably makes you see the world overall as less of an enemy and more of a partner.

So, how would I suggest you start out with positive reframing?? Here are a few strategies I like to explore with my clients…

If you find yourself continuously contemplating your feelings of helplessness and frustration take a look at your unique situation and ask yourself these questions…

Which parts of this situation are stressing you out the most?
Which of your needs do you feel are not being met?
If you feel a lack of control why is this?
Consider which parts of this situation you can actually control. What do you have the power to change??

This is often a step overlooked by clients. They get so wrapped up in feeling stressed they can’t see the wood for the trees and don’t make positive changes as a result. When you positively reframe you change your perspective on things.

I actively encourage my clients to put pen to paper at this stage (those of you who loved a spider diagram in school – I feel you, you’re going to enjoy this part) ask yourself the question “How can I change this” and get writing.

You may not be able to change everything but this small exercise may help you to see changes and possibilities you weren’t aware of before.

What opportunities and benefits may you find “in amongst the rubble” of your situation. What strengths within yourself have you used to manage and cope with the situation so far?? When you’re examining the benefits, it doesn’t mean you gloss over negatives; you simply pay attention to the positives as well and focus on them.

Will this situation matter to you in 12 months time? Have you ever considered that no matter how catastrophic your circumstances may first appear… the future you may actually look back and laugh at this situation.

When I positively reframe with humour some elements can seem so absurd you actually have to laugh at them. And we all know there can be so many benefits to laughing!!!.